Monday, December 27, 2010

Standings, Features, 12/27

The worst has happened. The person who flipped a coin to make all her picks is leading the pool.

With an Air Force-21 pick, Patricia Curry pulled ahead of perennial fan favorite Shane Ryan, who was more conservative with Air Force-5. Dan Ryan crept ever closer with Air Force-16, while Dave Bragg kept pace in 4th with the same pick. Richard Sarver and Phil Kairalla are tied for 5th to round out the money watch. Kairalla's Air Force-22 pick rocketed him up the leaderboard, while Sarver hung on with Air Force-1 (Obama was not on board).

The good news for fans of non-random picking: Patricia Curry is 6-3 on the year. If we trust in the averages, she should end up near .500, which means she has nowhere to go but down. And even if we allow for flukey happenings, her PPR is the lowest in the field at 406. We might be seeing Helter Skelter at her absolute peak, and it's a long climb down. But then again, they don't call her Helter Skelter because she's predictable.

Let's get to the features.

The Cream of the Crop

This is the feature formerly known as the "Undefeated Club" where we honor the players with the best record. Today's CotC is only two-deep: Shane Ryan and Richard Sarver, who are alone at 8-1. We are currently drinking expensive champagne in our clubhouse and discussing which traits are most annoying in a butler.

The Schneid Watch

At 3-6, we honor the following Schneiders: Slim Jim Bennett, Robin Cohen, Emily Radford, and Jordan Glickson. They are currently sipping purified gasoline in their trailer home and discussing which traits are most annoying in a probation officer.

The Day's Biggest Winner

Dan Mooney is the big winner today. He took Air Force-29 and laughed all the way to the a fighter plane.

The Day's Biggest Loser

Robin Cohen is the sad recipient of this award, opting for Georgia Tech's one-dimensional offense to the tune of 23 points. She was last seen writing an angry letter to Yellowjacket coach Paul Johnson informing him of the invention of the forward pass.

Old School v. New School

These are the second year players against the newcomers. And let me tell you, it is HEATING UP.

Old School Average: 95.0
New School Average: 97.4

What's that I smell? Is that panic? Are the new-schoolers getting scared? We are sharks, new-schoolers. We've been here before.

Helter Skelter vs. Dirty Vegas vs. Shouting Siblings

This is the one where we use three contestants to determine whether it's better to make your picks using a coin and a hat, picking by the spread, or relying on random outbursts from teenagers. With Helter Skelter in first place, the leader here should come as no surprise. It is good to flip coins.

Helter Skelter: 155
Dirty Vegas: 98
Shouting Siblings: 79

Young vs. Old

Even though we have a younger competitor, feedback from the fans has indicated that the Spike vs. Tom Cowell rematch is what everybody has come to see. Sorry, Jacob. Spike will represent the youth of America, even if you happen to be youthier.

Fittingly, Spike and Tom Cowell are in 42nd and 43rd place out of 43, respectively. But Spike, who spent Christmas opening expensive presents and scowling at his parents because they expected him to be grateful, has 59, while Tom Cowell, who sleeps with a musket under his pillow, has 55. Youth is ascendant.

Eric(k)s vs. Toms vs. Females

Two females are on the Schneid with the worst record possible, but somehow their team is still winning. The once-proud Toms and Eric(k)s are now reduced to shame.

Females: 258
Toms: 220
Eric(k)s: 218

Family Time

The Currys are still out on top. When Mike fell down the leaderboard, Patricia picked up his slack. What a supportive couple! And hey, watch out for the Mooneys...they've left the Cacchiones and Cowell/Fisch in the dust, and now they've got their sights set on McLaughlin/Moore.

Curry (Mike & Patricia, husband/wife): 261
Shane Ryan/Ryder (uncle/nephew): 239
Kairalla (John & Phil, father/son): 230
Ryan (Dan & Steve, brothers): 228
Zehringer/Sarver (father/son-in-law): 219
McLaughlin/Moore (cousins): 202
Mooney (Brendan & Dan, brothers): 194
Cacchione (Fred & Tom, father/son): 157
Cowell/Fisch (father/son-in-law): 147

Fan Favorite

Today's fan favorite is Andy Watson. With a respectable 5-4 record, Andy is nonetheless near the bottom of the leaderboard with only 72 points. However, his PPR is a sky-high 511, meaning there's an awful lot of potential in 36th place. He's kind of like Michael Jordan back when he got cut from his high school team. He may be laid low now, but watch out!

No comments:

Post a Comment