Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Standings, 12/22

Here are the updated standings for Wednesday, 12/22. Not that you care, but I've now completely edited the spreadsheet so formulas do most of the work. The chance of human error on calculating records or anything like that should be greatly reduced. I HAVE BECOME A COMPUTER. 1010101111000111!

Note: PPR stands for Potential Points Remaining.

Let's get down to some features.

The Undefeated Club

We're down to 8! Mike Curry, Alan Shaw, and Brendan Mooney were all tempted by the mighty Golden Eagles of Southern Miss, so the list of perfect humans is down to the following:

Shane Ryan (woo!), Will Byrum, Richard Sarver, Greg Blanco, Dan Ryan, Sean Marshall, Fred Cacchione, and Kyle Seymour.

The Schneid Watch

This is where we track the lowest of the low; the folks who clearly don't know the difference between a forward pass and a punt. One contestant close to the Schneid, Tom Cowell, is actually old enough that he still considers the forward pass "showboating." The following folks are pulling up the rear at 1-3:

Emily Radford, Dan Mooney, Jeremy Forsythe

Helter Skelter vs. Dirty Vegas vs. Shouting Siblings

In this feature, we have a three-way race between three novelty acts:

1) Patricia Curry, aka Helter Skelter, who makes her picks by flipping a coin and chose her priority numbers by picking them from a hat.

2) Dave Ryder, aka Dirty Vegas, who, contrary to what I said in the last post, actually did pick every favorite and assign priority based on the spread.

3) Emily Radford, aka Shouting Siblings, who didn't make her picks on time but begged me to make them anyway, which I did by having my less-than-knowledgeable younger siblings shout out team names and numbers at random.

Here's how it stands:

Helter Skelter: 56
Dirty Vegas: 45
Shouting Siblings: 25

Young vs. Old

Here's where we pit the youngest contestant, Spike Friedman (25), against the oldest, Tom Cowell (77).

After four games, Spike has disrespected his elders and cared only about himself and his fancy clothes to the tune of 17 points (4th-to-last), while a doddering Tom Cowell has mustered only 14 (dead last). Rumor has it that Cowell is still upset that Army's Doc Blanchard was screwed out of another Heisman.

At the moment, youth trumps experience.

Eric(k)s vs. Toms vs. Females

Pretty self-explanatory. There's three of each, not counting Patricia and her coin-flipping theatrics.

Eric(k)s: 114
Females: 93
Toms: 92

The Eric(k)s hold steady at the top, but the females have made a dramatic move to steal second place from the Toms. They're upsetting the tea cart, folks! The feminist movement lives!

Family Time

We have a new entry I forgot last time, Rob Zehringer and Richard Sarver, who are father/son-in-laws. And they're in second! In related news, my girlfriend is really bringing me down. But the Curry's maintain a big lead with 144, while the Mooneys, huge forces last year, are stuck in the cellar with a tiny window and a daily ration of 8 bread crumbs.

Curry (Mike & Patricia, husband/wife): 144
Zehringer/Sarver (father/son-in-law): 112
Kairalla (John & Phil, father/son): 112
Shane Ryan/Radford (couple): 109
Ryan (Dan & Steve, brothers): 107
McLaughlin/Moore (cousins): 73
Cacchione (Fred & Tom, father/son): 68
Cowell/Fisch (father/son-in-law): 60
Mooney (Brendan & Dan, brothers): 55

Fan Favorite

This one goes to Phil Kairalla, who is only 2-2 but has already nailed his 32 and 34 picks. That puts him in 7th place, just barely out of the money. He's a little like a baseball player who hits .210, but bashes home runs left and right. Phil doesn't need to hit for average; everyone's still scared of him, and fans love it. They call him Phil the Thrill, and his devil-may-care free-swinging strategy might just be crazy enough to work.

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