Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Standings, 1/6

And here we are, ladies and gentlemen, two days away from the end of the first annual College Football Bowl Pool. And what a ride it's been! The standings have sorted themselves out, and we're down to two possible winners. Please give a warm round of applause to:

1) Herman Rodriguez. If Central Michigan wins tonight, first place is his alone. Failing that, he'll still take the whole kit and caboodle with an Alabama win on Thursday.

2) Helter Friggin' Skelter. Who knew? Patricia Curry, the old coin tosser, keeps hanging around, and her wild randomizing tactics gave her Troy-28 and Texas-26 over the next two days. If both of those come true, she'll be flipping hundred dollar bills instead of coins.

On to the long-lost features!

Fan Favorite:

This one goes to Steve Ryan and Tom Fisch. Steve started 0-5 and couldn't even show his face in public without little kids making up mean rhymes about him, but since then he's reeled off an impressive 20-6 streak to surge into sixth place. Now he can't show his face in public because he gets hit with too many flowers and gifts. If Central Michigan and Texas win, he even has a shot at finishing in the money. Tom Fisch held the lead for a long time, and even though he didn't quite have the juice to hang on, the fans appreciate his quiet dignity as he staggers to the end. It's a little bit like Tom Watson in this year's British Open. A great, improbable run that ends with him looking around a bit befuddled and out of place, but the entire effort will be vigorously applauded by appreciative crowds. And then he'll have to run to the bathroom really, really fast.

The Showdown: Helter Skelter vs. Mr-By-The-Numbers

Was there every any doubt? The guy wearing a monocle and a cumberbun who brings an abacus to parties against the wild child kicking open the saloon doors and firing her six-shooters into the air? YOU GOTTA LIVE CRAZY, WORLD. Patricia Curry has an 18-13 record (which, let's be honest, is pretty friggin' fortunate when you're flipping a coin) with 330 points, while Dave Ryder is 14-17 (meaning underdogs are a ridiculous 17-14 straight up, hugely unlucky for someone picking the money line) with 278. This one is officially in the books. But it leaves some lingering questions...what kind of coin did she use? Was heads or tails more effective? Was it truly and completely random? Isn't it very suspicious that she picked her alma mater, West Virginia, as her 32 priority game???? The controversy won't end! Historians will be discussing this one for decades!

The Schneid Watch

At some point about four days ago, the lovely Emily Radford decided that she wanted to be last place. Give her the fame and shame of ignominy over anonymity, she said, six days a week and twice on Sunday. She's fished her wish so far, at least halfway; at 167 points, she's the lowest rung on the standings ladder. But Charles Rosen, not to be outdone, owns the worst record at 10-21, and has a fighting chance to finish last in both categories. If Central Michigan wins tonight, he'll have an iron grip on the Schneid Trophy, which will be named after its first owner.

The Over .500 Club

Herman Rodriguez and Steve Ryan own the best records at 20-11. Joe Keppel and Kyle Seymour sit just below at 19-12. 18-13: Tom Fisch, Patricia Curry. 17-14: Dan Mooney, Gordon Dupuis, Billy M., and Joe Fisch (who deserves special credit for scoring almost none of his high picks. 17-14 and only 230 points? You win the anomaly award!). 16-15 and on the bubble: Jordan Glickson, Jake Berkowitz, Julio McLaughlin, Tim Reale. 15-16 and just outside the front gate, shouting for entrance: Brendan Mooney, Dan Ryan, Jeff Hawkins, Adam Hammerschmidt, Noah Davis, Justin Fisch.

That Battle of the Brothers

Wow, it's been a while! This one of the most exciting features going, as the Mooneys, Dan and Brendan, have an incredibly narrow 4-point edge on the Fightin' Ryans, Steve and Dan. Nothing is decided yet, folks!

Mooney Brothers: 628 points, average: 314
Ryan Brothers: 624 points, average: 312
Fisch Brothers: 562 points, average: 286
Forsythes: 267 points, average: 267
Thomason Brothers: 524 points, average: 262

Young vs. Old

He's done it, folks! Tom Cowell, the valiant senior citizen who wouldn't be kept down, has defeated resident whippersnapper Spike Friedman. Using elbow grease and old-fashioned know-how, he taught a hard lesson to the the head-banging, sub-woofing, blatant society-disrespecting punk who thought the world owed him a favor. When asked about his plans for celebration, Cowell vowed to sleep for four days straight and then tell the three-hour version of his story to family members and complete strangers every day for the rest of his life. At press time, an angst-ridden Spike could be found spray-painting obscenities and anarchy symbols on the underpass of a local bridge.

The Relative Game

Rankings, 1/6: 3,4,6,8,11,16,22,27,28,30
Strength of the gene pool: Very slightly above average!!

That's it for today. See you all tomorrow after Central Michigan-Troy.

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