Ladies and gentleman of the bowl pool, please rise as one to congratulate the Prince of Predictions, the Swami of the Spreads, the August King of Auguring, the Sultan of Selection, the Pope of Prognostication, the Caliph of Conjecture, and Reigning Poobah of Pigskin Prophecy....Herman "H-Rod" Rodriguez!!!!
(We have no picture of Herman on file, so we're using archival material from the 2009 Yankee World Series celebration.)
Tonight's Alabama-Texas game will be purely cermonial, much like the final Paris stage of the Tour de France, which seems to parallel our pool exactly. Appropriately, Herman will also finish tied for the best record in the pool. This double victory feat shall be henceforth known as "Double Bagging." Tomorrow morning, British urchins will be selling newspapers on the street, yelling out "ey guv, read it 'ere, 'Erman Rodriguez got him the double bag!"
Let's take a glance at some of the other drama around the league.
The Battle of Brothers
This is sort of like doubles tennis; important but not quite so illustrious. And it's still not decided! Let's start from the bottom. The Thomasons had a rough beginning and a respectable ending, but they never had enough steam to make a real run at the top. Ditto for the Forsythes, who also salvaged something from a rough start. The Fisch Brothers, early leaders, fell by the wayside when Joe Fisch stopped carrying his weight and sank down the leaderboard. That leaves two: the Mooneys and the Ryans. Here are the current standings:
The Mooney Brothers: 665 points, average: 332.5
The Ryan Brothers: 649 points, average: 324.5
The Fisch Brothers: 567 points, average: 283.5
The Thomason Brothers: 547 points, average: 273.5
The Forsythe Brothers: 273 points, average: 273
As you can see, the Mooneys have a slight lead. But Brendan "Looney" Mooney went out on a limb and picked Texas to win the title game. With both Ryans having selected Alabama, a Crimson Tide victory would put them over the top. There's still some drama left!
To Helter Skelter, Patricia Curry, who lost her chance at a title with last night's Central Michigan OT victory, but who won the duel with Mr. By-the-Numbers and can still finish second overall with a Texas victory.
To Tom Cowell, the champion of Old vs. Young. He struck a blow for old-timers everywhere by finishing 23rd in the pool compared to Spike Friedman's 27th. His victory lap will be the sweetest...and slowest.
To Charles Rosen, the Schneid King. Showing his usual flair for incompetence, Charles picked Troy in last night's game, dropping his league worst record to 10-22. Emily Radford, previously in last, vaulted ahead with her CMU selection, and Charles has now officially clinched the cellar.
To my extended gene pool, who now hold spots 4,6,7,8,12,16,23,28,29, and 30 in the rankings, for an overall rating of "average."
To Noah Davis, whose prediction of "America" as the winner of the Central Michigan-Troy game came brilliantly true, earning him a controversial six points and the Fan Favorite title in perpetuity.
In The Money: How It'll Play Out
If Alabama wins...
1) Herman Rodriguez $210
2) Joey Keppel $80
3) Steve Ryan $40
If Texas wins...
1) Herman Rodriguez $210
2) Patricia Curry $80
3) Brendan Mooney $40
Check out the standings below, and thank you to everyone for playing! Roll Tide!